wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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