If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
