after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
