Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
