I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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