I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
