that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
