The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
