i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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