Michael Bay diarrhea
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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