Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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