no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
