Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
