my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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