piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
