don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
