I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
