The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
