i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
