I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
