my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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