Michael Bay diarrhea
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
