it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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