I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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