i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
