now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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