Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
