I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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