Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
