so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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