My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
