i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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