operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
