Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
