When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
