apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
