How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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