The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
