my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
