On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
