I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
