JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
