SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
