She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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