Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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