you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
