This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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