Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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