How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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