was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
