i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
