I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
