ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
