Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
