Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
