I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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