Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
