For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize