you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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