please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
