Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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