the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
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We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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