I could make wine with my vomit
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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